Where did she go???

I feel like I am loosing my daughter. Or that she has changed so much I barely understand or recognize her. The last few months have been so emotional for her. She can barely handle her surroundings without hysterical tears. I can barely handle her without wanting to be in tears myself.

I think the timing of this all began with starting kindergarten. She seems to be in the rhythm now and seems to truely enjoy her days at school. She has lots of new friends, a teacher she adores and fun activities to consume her day.

I have been very aware of her getting enough sleep. She usually gets 11 hours a night. Its 7pm right now and she is already in bed. But she still wakes up ready to battle our daily routine. Ready to begin crying as soon as something happens. This something can be so little, that I her mother dont even understand why. Obviously its on a larger scale and Im trying to see it from her eyes, but I just dont understand. This morning she broke down into tears when I began to cut up her waffles. I guess she wanted to eat the waffle whole with her fingers. To me, it seems so simple to express her want to eat it whole, but tears are flowing down her face before she manages to think the words.

Danny and I went to a "second step" training through her school this last weeked. This dealt with social emotional guidance in kids. Its the program taught at her school. It teaches the children how to deal with their emotions and to express themselves. It gave us parents tools to understand our children and help them understand themselves. I feel like a failure today. She pushed me so far, I just was ready to jump off the edge. I didn't really care about trying to gently figure her out. Im ready to admit that I just don't understand this phase of my daughter. Im starting to just want to avoid her and this is a horrible way to feel.

After school her and Devon were playing so wonderfully out front in a tent I had set up. It was time to come in so I could begin dinner. Kayla quickly became frusterated because she had several trips worth of stuff to bring back into the house. She let out a long whine (kind of animal - like) trying to get my attention. As I peak out the door she threw herself on the ground in tears how its so unfair she has all this stuff to bring in. (Remember she had no problem bringing it all out) I asked if she would like to ask me for help. She decided to ask me to bring in the little table top, which I did and put away in the house. I turn around and she is now in the living room in tears. She did not want me to put the damn table away and was mad at me. How does one co-exist with this??? She is HYSTERICAL. I asked her to sit in her room till she is able to calm down and let me know when she is ready to talk. 20 minutes of screaming later she came out and I tried to tell her I was trying to help her and she just needed to use her words to tell me what she wanted. She just told me its unfair and I am mean.

Anyways....I will stop here, but there are 2 more examples of breakdown this evening. We didnt even get home till 4pm tonight and she was in bed by 7pm. We also did dinner and bath and bed routine....and she still managed to "break down" 4 times. Im exhausted and confused and sad. I miss my daughter. Will she comee back???

The Simple Pleasures of Life

I am really enjoying our simple life style recently. I haven't been overwhelmed with too many commitments, or too much to do. It is nice.

A few simple things I really enjoy are:
When my kids are both napping at the same time and I have a quiet house to my self.
When the front yard is mowed and looks so fresh and "parklike"
When I actually get to sleep in past 7:00am. (I can't remember when this last happened though)
When Kayla and Devon enjoy playing together
Sitting on the beach watching Danny kiteboard
When small projects get accomplished around the house
When I prepare dinner without creating a whole sink of dishes

Well, right now the house is quiet and I'm going to go take advantage of it.

What do you do to keep your life "simple"?

Interesting

This is such a touchy subject for many. I found this website very empowering and informative. I know several mamas that have had a c-section. I am grateful myself not to have experienced one. Although intesnse, both my births were amazing, and I am looking foward to my birthing day with this next little one.

http://www.unnecesarean.com/birth-stories/

I hope this will empower births of the future and realize that many times you do have a choice!!

Lets Play Catch Up....

So I have completely slacked on updated this blog....how does time go by so quickly??
A few highlights of the last few months.
1. Kayla began kindergarten. She is at the San Diego Coopertive Charter in Linda Vista. Choosing a school was a tough decision for me. We ended up going with the Coop and think it will be a good fit. Its a parent coopertive school, so all families are required to volunteer throughout the year. Kayla has already had lots of in class parent volunteers and demonstrations including a butterfly lifecycle presentation, making smoothies, makining popcorn, squeezing fresh orange juice, and a few others. They have gone a fun field trip and are preparing for another to the punpkin patch. She has PE, Spanish, and Music twice a week and Art Class once a week. Danny has been volunteering in her ART class and Kayla really enjoys Dad being at school. She has lots of new friends, new routines and busy days. She is absolutely exhausted when I pick her up at 3pm. We are still adjusting to this new schedule.

2. Its a BOY...yes Kayla and Devon are going to have a little BROTHER in February.

3. Ive got the pregnancy obsessive bug...there are so many things I want to do. I think I feel the coutdown between now and Feb. I'm currently working on painting Devon's new room. We are moving Devon into the old playroom, so the baby can have his little nursery nook. Painting sounds simple, but there are so many steps. Trimming, primer, second primer coat, color coat, paint trim white....anyways turns into a several week project when you have a 5 and 2 year old.
I want to clean out closets, organize, our back yard is in demolition mode...everywhere you look there is something that needs to be done.

Thats about all for now!!
I will try and update more often...but no promises.